BULLYING IN AN EARLY YEARS SETTING

Bullying is a highly emotive topic. Parents are understandably deeply troubled and distressed to hear that their child is either being bullied or is indeed demonstrating bullying behaviour. Denial is often one of the main reasons why getting to the root cause of bullying in young children can be so difficult.

As Early Years Practitioners, we were often asked the question:-

“Is it even possible for such young children to bully or to be the target of bullies?

The answer is unquestionably “yes”.

WHAT CAN BULLYING LOOK LIKE IN YOUNG CHILDREN?

One of the ways young children learn about the world around them is by watching adults, or older children, model behaviour. They then try out this behaviour on the world around them. Children believe the way they are brought up is the “way of the world” and it can come as a huge shock to find that not all people behave in the same way. For the most part, children learn to adapt naturally and easily to different approaches. Children want to make friends and feel part of a group. However, some young children, who are feeling insecure and lacking self-esteem and self-worth, can fall into the trap of demonstrating bullying behaviour towards others. This can take the form of physical or verbal aggression, excluding others, constantly belittling and criticizing other children, as well as trying to control or manipulate.

For many children, it is not a conscious decision to behave in the ways described. They are merely acting out behaviour that they witness, or it is the way that they themselves are treated. This doesn’t make any behaviour acceptable, but it can make it more understandable. All behaviour is communication and remembering this can be helpful in dealing with and accepting what is going on.

SO WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN WHEN A PARENT IS CONCERNED ABOUT WHETHER A CHILD IS BEING BULLIED AND APPROACHES A SETTING/OR A SETTING ASKS IN PARENTS TO DISCUSS CONCERNS THEY HAVE?

What is important to ascertain from the beginning of any conversation with parents about bullying is:

~ The accepted definition of bullying – so that parents and setting are completely onside about what bullying “looks like”.

~ The need for both parties – parent and setting – to listen to what each other has to say – respectfully, calmly and without judgement. This is much more difficult than it sounds, as emotions are bound to be running high. It is also vital to remember to focus on and label behaviour as “bullying” rather than labelling children, either as bullies or victims.

~ A clear path forward in how a setting and parents are going to work together to sort out the issue. Every setting will have a raft of procedures – a policy on bullying will be included in these measures, as will a behaviour policy and a complaints procedure. It is the responsibility of every setting to keep every child safe.

For parents keen to learn and understand more about bullying, The Parent Collaborative run courses and workshops aimed at helping parents not only deal with the topic of bullying itself, but also with subjects around bullying, such as resilience and nurturing self-confidence. We can also provide support to parents who struggle to cope when they or their children are affected by bullying. If you have specific questions, please do not hesitate to contact us either by mail at hello@theparentcollaborative or by phone on (01225) 938900. To download this page click here.

Below are a list of books aimed at young children, which deal sympathetically and helpfully with this subject matter:

One/Two/Lunch every day Kathryn Otoshi

Is that what friends do? Marjorie Newman and Peter Bowman

Nicholas and the wild ones Niki Daly

My secret bully/The power of one/The Invisible Boy/Sorry/Confessions of a former bully/Trouble talk

(All titles by:) Trudy Ludwig

I walk with Vanessa Kerascoët

Dudley (The Little Paws Hotel) Clare Luther

Peggy (The Little Paws Hotel) Clare Luther

There’s a bully in my brain Kristin O’Rourke

Stick and Stone Beth Ferry

Nicholas and the wild ones Niki Daly