Communication

Communication

Communication is a theme that straddles so many of the 1:1 sessions we have with parents, as well as the workshops and parenting programmes we run.  The reason for this, is that communication is crucial to the adult/child relationship, as well as being at the heart of family life.

For communication to be successful, it has to be clear and consistent.  Throw active listening into the mix and we get some way towards mutual understanding between individuals! 

Communication starts from the moment a child is born.  As parents, we tap into learning to understand our children, from what they communicate to us.  We learn to identify a tired cry or a hungry cry as well as learning about what makes our children feel calm, frustrated or happy.  We respond to their immediate needs as well as their emotional needs – we show them love by holding them close, staring into their eyes, playing games with them, talking and singing to them, babbling back to them. And before we know it, they start talking…………

For us as adults, it would now seem logical that communication should get easier, as children can simply tell us what is going on for/with them, right?? What we forget when we go down the path of logic is that children are on a journey to learn, not only about the world around them, but also about themselves.  They need to learn about their emotions so that they can make sense of them.  This is when calm parenting and compassionate communication really come into their own.  If we can remain calm in the face of a toddler’s storm, if we can set up our home to be an enabling environment, if we can coach and support our children to be emotionally regulated and problem solvers whilst remaining closely connected to them, we can put a big tick through that parenting box!  If only family life was as simple as this!!  Life has a habit of getting in the way - for everyone!  There is no perfect parent, no perfect child.  There is likewise no one size fits all way to parent. 

What we can do as parents though is remember the power of communication, as well as remembering that behaviour = communication. When our children know, without any doubt that they are loved for who they are, when they feel listened to, when the home setting is an encouraging one, when there is no ambiguity about the family “rules” and when there is a consistent message modelled through own behaviour, we give them, and us, a secure base from which to learn to fly.