Connection – and why it is so important

Connection is at the heart of each and every significant relationship.  It is one of the four cornerstones that are so crucial when we think about our family unit.

Connection is so vital, because if children feel connected, it makes them feel secure.  This in turn allows them to learn to love themselves, and in so doing, means they can then go on to love and trust others.  They have seen us, their parents, deriving joy from them, so they believe they are worthy of love.

Connection allows us to learn to be in tune with our children and it is connection with them, that brings the real joy into parenting. Close connection between a child and a parent allows for natural, instinctive parenting because it helps us to understand and empathise with our children, seeing things from their point of view.

To deepen the connection we have with our children, we need to look at ways to spend time with them, both as a family as well as on a 1:1 basis.  Involving our children in everyday life means we can spend time alongside them – playing cooking and gardening  for example, go hand in hand with laying the table, washing up and doing the laundry.  1:1 time is when we give them our undivided attention.  It allows them to feel seen and heard, to potentially unload their emotional backpack, to build up trust and respect between us, as well as remind children of how much they mean to us.  Time spent with them in this way, also gives us the chance to properly observe our children and keep a real handle on “where they are at” and what is making them tick.  Just as they can learn from us – giving them this 1:1 time and asking them to choose how to use it, allows us to learn from them, and about them.

The connection we have with our children acts as the glue in the relationship we have with them.  We can often witness behaviour we don’t like – in the same way that we sometimes behave in ways our children find hard to tolerate.  However, when we actively choose to positively connect and re-connect with our children on a daily basis – (remembering the mantra that a hug normally suits most things out!) – we find it much easier to accept our children for who they are and to want to spend more and more of our time with them. 

Connection really does equal joy!