Respect

Respect lies at the heart of pretty much every relationship - including the one we have with ourselves! The one we have with our children is no exception.

Respect for our child begins from the moment they are born – with acceptance and love for the unique person they are, without feeling that we need to “change or fix” them.  Whilst they are initially totally dependent on others for their care and protection, the care we lavish on them when providing for their needs, is layered with gentle respect and kindness.

At this point a baby communicates their needs through crying. As they mature and communicate in other ways, adults sometimes blur the edges of a respectful relationship. They don’t set out to do this – what is often forgotten is the idea of a child being a separate entity and having autonomy. 

When the “rule” of treating children as we would an adult is put to one side, it can lead to conflict with our children. We can, inadvertently, frustrate their natural, deep seated need to be independent and their constant search to make sense of the world around them. In response to a lack of respect, our children can often respond in ways that then foster more conflict.  A cycle of behaviour on both sides is set in motion.

When we understand that respect is fundamental to the success of relationships – including those with our children – we can reset. When we do this, we can reinstate trust into the relationship. Trust in our children to do things for themselves, trust in the enabling environment we set up for our children, trust in ourselves to be the parent our child needs, trust in the connection we have with our children and trust in the way we parent.

Respect is a big topic. One of our aims as a parent is to foster respect in our children – self-respect, respect for others and respect for the world we live in. Children absorb knowledge and understanding best by seeing the process in action – so let’s remember to “walk the walk”.  Respect begins with us respecting the tiny infant for who they are, and it continues with us modelling respectful behaviour to those we come into contact with and the respectful choices we make about how we live on this extraordinary planet we call Earth.  Having respect for ourselves and how we look after ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally, needs to be part of our everyday life. If our children don’t see the value of the respect we have for ourselves, how are they going to learn its importance?

As parents, we are never going to have all the answers or always get it right. If we embrace and harness respect however, not only we do empower children with a life skill – we also have at our disposal the power of an apology. A respectful apology allows us to mend and repair the damage we will, without doubt, cause to others in life.  Extending an apology to our children when it is due, gives us a much-needed lifeline for the constantly evolving and loving relationship we have with one another.